


Mad World

by ArtemisRayne



Category: Glee
Genre: F/M, References to Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-22
Updated: 2012-02-22
Packaged: 2017-12-05 03:25:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/718322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtemisRayne/pseuds/ArtemisRayne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"How could a person do that to themself?" Tina asked. </p><p>Artie fidgeted uncomfortably. "I did once. Tried to kill myself, I mean." </p><p>- Spoilers for "On My Way." -</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mad World

"Asian kiss?" Mike asked.

"Asian kiss," Tina responded, and stood on her toes to exchange their customary farewell. "Text me after your class ends," she added to his back as he headed off for the car park. He turned and waved in acknowledgement before slinging his backpack over his shoulder and jogging for his car.

Gathering her own bag, Tina turned and made to go to her locker. She had forgotten to grab her history book before Glee rehearsal and she had homework due in the morning. Humming to herself, Tina made her way down the near silent hallway. It had been a tough week for them all, what with what happened to Karofsky and all, but Mr. Schue's lesson had eased that a little. She was still more shaken than she wanted to admit, but there was hope and that helped.

Tina had just rounded the corner when something ahead caught her attention and she paused. Artie was parked in front of his locker, but the door was shut and he was just sitting there. She knew him well enough to recognise his posture, and she could tell he was deep in thought about something. For a minute she considered leaving him to it, but with everything that had happened she decided not to. He was pretty good at sucking it up and keeping things to himself to the point where it was unhealthy.

"Hey Artie," she said softly, trying not to startle him. Artie stirred and glanced over, and a shallow smile curved on his face.

"Hey Tina," he answered. He suddenly seemed to realise he'd been caught, because he reached forward and jerked his locker open. "What are you doing still here?"

"Just grabbing a textbook," Tina said. "You?"

"Same," Artie said, rifling through his things for a second before withdrawing a notebook.

"Roll with me to my locker?" Tina asked.

Artie smirked. "Sure." He slammed his shut and twisted around to put his notebook into his bag, and then rolled along beside her as they went to the other end of the hall, where Tina drew out her history book. "Mike giving you a ride home?" he asked curiously.

"No, he has a dance class tonight," Tina said and shrugged. "My mom's coming by in like a half hour to get me." She glanced sideways at Artie, who still looked like his mind was miles away, and added, "Do you have anything to do? I don't really feel like being alone right now. My mum can give you a lift if you want."

Artie seemed to be considering it for a minute, chewing at his bottom lip, and then he nodded. "Sure, I don't have anywhere to be."

They wandered silently down to the front lobby and then Tina took a seat on one of the benches while Artie pulled up in front of her. "So, crazy week, huh?" she said awkwardly.

"Yeah, no kidding," he agreed distractedly.

"It's weird, after everything he did to us, but I feel sorry for him," Tina admitted quietly. "I mean, how bad does it have to get before you do something like that?" Artie made an indistinct noise, his eyes focused on the brick wall somewhere over her shoulder. "He was so awful to all of us, especially Kurt. But I still feel bad. No one should have to go through that. I don't get how he could do that to himself though. How could anyone do that to themselves?"

"I did it," Artie cut in.

Tina stopped short, looking up at him in surprise. His expression was drawn and anxious, and he was wringing his hands in his lap. "What do you mean?" she asked uncertainly.

Artie worried his bottom lip for a second before answering. "I tried to kill myself once."

Tina couldn't do anything but stare. As long as she'd known Artie, he'd always been strong and impenetrable. Things bothered him, but he always seemed to be able to shake it off and come back from it stronger. He had rarely ever lost his cool, and she'd never seen any indication that he was at any time really depressed. Finally she managed one simple, "Why?"

A humourless laugh escaped him and he glanced up to meet her gaze. "Why do you think?" he said and one hand reached down to trace over a wheel of his chair. "It was back in junior high, just a little while before I turned thirteen. I was having a hard time dealing with it all. The bullying had gotten really bad. I guess it had been long enough since the accident that the kids had figured I was fair game now. So they'd tape my wheels together, or steal my things, or spray water and stuff on my pants since I wouldn't notice.

"And then one time they taped me to my chair and locked me in a supply closet. They shut the lights off, and taped my mouth shut, and just left me there. I don't really like the dark," he said awkwardly and Tina nodded. She remembered him saying that while they were dating, something about dark hospital rooms. "So I couldn't move and I couldn't call for help. I was there for two hours before an after-school janitor found me while looking for some bleach.

"That's when I kind of snapped. I mean, the kids that did it got suspended for a couple days, and my mum went all kinds of righteous fury on the school, but none of it helped. None of it fixed the fact that I was still a cripple, and people could still do things like that to me and I couldn't do anything to stop them. By the next week those kids were back at school, calling me names and stealing my glasses, and I just couldn't take it.

"I had these pain pills I take when my back is acting up. And I took the whole bottle."

"Oh God," Tina breathed, covering her mouth with her hands.

Artie was staring down at his lap, toying with a loose string on his gloves, and he cleared his throat before continuing. "My brother's the one who found me," he said, and his voice has gotten distinctly thicker. "Got me to the hospital and pumped my stomach. They said if it'd been a few minutes later I might not have made it."

"What did you do?" Tina asked gently.

"Got some therapy," Artie said. "Therapy and anti-depressants. Really though, it was the new perspective that helped me the most. When I woke up in the hospital, my whole family was there and they were just crying. It made me realise, it wasn't just myself I'd hurt. I had never felt so ashamed in my life. So I vowed to change. I got help, I got better, and whenever things got hard again I'd just remind myself that there were people who would miss me if I was gone."

Tina took a deep breath, regarding him thoughtfully. She reached out carefully and took one of his hands in her own, squeezing it gently. "I'd miss you," she said firmly.

Artie lifted his gaze and even though his eyes were watery, he smiled. "I'd miss you too, Tee." There was a long, poignant moment as they held onto each other's hands, staring into each other's eyes like they were trying to convey everything without words. And then Artie abruptly cleared his throat. "Uh Tee, I've never really told anyone about this before, so if you don't –"

"Your secret's safe with me," Tina assured him.

"Thanks," Artie said gratefully. He slowly pulled his hand free from hers, wiping at his eyes with the back of his wrist. "So, uh, how've you been?"

Tina laughed at his awkward attempt at conversation, but she picked up the thread and ran with it. They chatted idly about homework and Regionals until her mum showed up, and when they dropped Artie off at his house, Tina kissed his cheek in farewell. It had been ages since they'd spent much time alone together, but that afternoon made her realise that he really had changed and opened up since they'd broken up. He waved as her mom's van pulled away from the curb, and Tina smiled and returned it.

She had made assumptions about Artie, and now that she knew different she realised that she had her own changes to make as well. It was time to stop holding back. She was going to find a way to create that future she'd visualised for herself, the one she hadn't been brave enough to share with the Glee club.

The one where she got more than just a song.

"You've been awfully quiet today," Tina's mum remarked from the driver's seat, glancing sideways at her daughter curiously. "Are you okay, honey?"

Tina felt a genuine smile cross her lips. "Yeah Mum, I'm perfect."


End file.
